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36 QUESTIONS THAT LEAD TO LOVE & CLOSENESS
The following exercise was developed to foster a sense of closeness among peers by psychologist Arthur
Aron and his colleagues.1 Find a family member, friend, neighbor, partner—anyone with whom you would
like to become closer. Take turns answering the questions, but make sure to alternate the order. End the
exercise with sustained eye contact.2
SET I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the
last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
SET II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what
would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way
you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of
five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other
people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
1 Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and
some preliminary findings. Personality and Soc ial Psychology Bulletin, 23(4), 363-377.
2 Learn more about the benefits of love and how to play this exercise: https://thethrivecenter.org/love-and-closeness-in-covid-19.
