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Developing and Revising Thesis Statements
Two tips in one here.
The first will probably be familiar: generating a list of pro and con arguments from readings.
The second involves collecting thesis statements into a Word document and then working as a class to revise them.
The First
For an argumentative essay on capital punishment, students read, annotate and take notes on four essays (one is a long, CQResearcher essay – a source from OCC’s databases that I highly recommend). After a day or two of discussion, we take 20-30 minutes at the end of class to develop a list of argumentative points they could use in the essay.
I prompt students to supply the author’s names, and then they draw arguments from the readings. No page numbers are noted in the citations because they were HTML based sources, but students read out the applicable quote from the essay when they suggest the reason (we call this “quote hunting” – I’m a sucker for lame jokes/names).
At the end of this class, we discuss a sample thesis statement and I refer students to a fill in the blank model that they can use or ignore.
Capital punishment should/should not be abolished because of ______, _______, and ______.
They write their thesis using the pro and con list we’ve developed in class (or their own ideas), and email it to me before the next class. Then the second part of this exercise kicks in.
Jost Johansen Freedman Rimer
Pro (for DP) Justice/closure (Jost, Rimer) Problems with legal system o Witness tampering/false testimony (need source) Deterrence (Jost, Johansen) Could streamline court system (Jost)
Con (against DP) Expense (Freedman, Jost) o Explanation: cut other safety budgets Justice/closure (Jost, Rimer) Possibility of wrongful execution (Jost, Freedman) o irreversible Problems with legal system o Witness tampering/false testimony (need source) o Scares people into false confession Moral argument/hypocrisy (Jost)
Deterrence (Jost, Freedman) Violates the constitution o Cruel and unusual punishment Discrimination (Jost, Freedman) o Racial o Mental o Financial o geographic
The Second
I collect the thesis statements students have sent into a word document (without names) and then project them in class for comment. I review and write out on the board what to look for in a thesis statement to focus our discussion.
- Main point/position
- Divisions (what they will use to support their position) – are they distinct and defendable?
- Sentence clarity (this usually generates the most feedback)
I then go right to the student work, read the first thesis statement, and we work through the three questions. This continues until all statements are commented on. I then email the class all the statements with comments.
What I like about this activity is that it reinforces the idea that they are writing for an audience: they see that everyone needs to understand their thesis – and they see that it’s not just the teacher who has suggestions. The students tell me they like seeing the range of ideas and writing styles of their classmates.
If this process seems a bit mechanical, you may appreciate the note I attach to the bottom of my instructions for this essay.
If all this sounds formulaic, it is. You have two choices: ignore the formula and wing it; or work within the formula, yet still use all your skills as a writer to capture the reader's attention and leave a vivid impression of your intellect.
Your call.
Student thesis: before comments The death penalty is something the United States can function without. With it we kill innocent people, waste valuable resources, and the process is discriminatory and makes it unfair for certain groups of people.
Student thesis: after comments The death penalty is something the United States can function without. With it we kill innocent people, waste valuable resources, and the process is discriminatory and makes it unfair for certain groups of people<<TIGHTEN WORDING.
Student thesis: before comments Capital punishment should be terminated because of the closure for the family the expense of it and the discrimination.
