English Grammar about Concise Writing, Exercises of Grammar and Composition

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Proofreading Skills Tutorial:

Tutorial #14:

Writing Concisely

Eliminating Empty Phrases

Avoiding Clichés

Eliminating Redundancy

Writing Center

English 800 Center

All notes and exercises should be done

on separate sheets of paper, which you

will bring to your conference with an

instructor in the center.

As you work through the tutorial, make sure to

see an instructional aide at the front desk in the

Writing Center or English 800 Center if you

have any questions or difficulties.

All things considered In my opinion The fact is that As far as I’m concerned It is my opinion that In a manner of speaking For all intents and purposes What’s more is that The thing is that When you are writing, try to use your own natural voice. Speak aloud as you type and imagine that you are explaining to someone else in person. Using your own voice will help you avoid empty phrases. Now consider the following pairs of sentences, with the empty phrases in italics: At this point in time, the latest iPad is expensive due to the fact that it has no competition. Now, the new iPad is expensive because it has no competition. The reason why Jhumpa Lahiri’s novel is so great is because it has vivid imagery. Jhumpa Lahiri 's novel is great because it has vivid imagery. As you can see from these examples, you can reduce empty or “filler” phrases to a single word. FOR SUBSTITUTE at the present time now at this point in time now concerning the nature of about in the nature of like for the purpose of for in order to to in this day and age today in view of the fact that because it is clear that clearly by virtue of the fact that because due to the fact that because for the reason that because the reason why is because because in the event that if by means of by last but not least finally Principle I: Whenever possible, eliminate or condense empty phrases. Exercise 1 Instructions: Using Principle I, rewrite the following sentences, eliminating or condensing empty words and phrases.

1. Losa came to this country due to the fact that she wants a career in computer graphics.

2. For all intents and purposes, Aspara dropped out of school in view of the fact that she had to help support her family.
3. The fact is that parents must build closer relationships with their teenaged children by virtue of the fact that so many teens get into trouble in the United States.
4. After she arrived from Burma, the reason that Aung enrolled at CSM was because it was close to his home and had an excellent English department.
5. In the event that it snows, Luanna will purchase some chains for her tires.
6. In this day and age, it is clear that young people know more about computers than they know about American history.

Avoiding Clichés

Look at the following sentences. A healthy lifestyle enhances your ability both to live life to its fullest and to live to a ripe old age. A healthy lifestyle helps you live life fully and longer. In your own words, explain which sentence seems more effective and why. As you may have noticed, the first sentence contains more words, including expressions that you have heard before, “live life to its fullest” and “live to a ripe old age.” Clichés are stale phrases. These expressions were once fresh and forceful, but constant use has weakened them. Instead of using clichés, it is better to substitute fresh words or restate the idea in plain language. Be sure to choose words that reflect your ideas and suit your purpose, instead of settling for overused phrases or vague generalizations. Here are some examples of clichés: better late than never knight in shining armor cool, calm, and collected soar like an eagle hard as a rock pass with flying colors white as snow ripe old age live life to its fullest work like a dog see eye to eye few and far between If you are a second-language English speaker, you have probably learned some clichés (idioms) in your ESL classes so that you will understand what they mean when you hear them. But there are many more clichés that you will have difficulty recognizing. Remembering to stick to plain

writing a paper, use jargon only when it is appropriate to your audience and purpose. When writing for a general audience, avoid using jargon, or you will risk sounding artificial and pretentious. Principle III: Avoid slang, and use jargon only when appropriate. Exercise 3 Instructions: Using Principle III, rewrite the following sentences to eliminate slang or jargon.

1. If he gets too hyper before the interview, Uto may mess up his chances of getting hired.
2. Anne and Carrie were very into Rashad, but he was into Clarice.
3. AIDS is a major deal all over the world.
4. Hassan was so out of it that he forgot his homework.
5. The large black and blue mark on Shireen’s arm, a hematoma caused by a fall from her bicycle, was painful.

Eliminating Redundancy

Consider these sentences: Many people who have dropped out of school and lack formal education are unemployed and do not have jobs. Many uneducated people are unemployed. In your own words, explain which sentence is more effective and why. Although repeating key words in an essay is one way to make writing more analytical and coherent, redundancy or unnecessary repetition weakens sentences. The first sentence contains two redundancies. That is, not completing high school means a lack of formal education, and the definition of being unemployed is not having a job. The second sentence lacks redundancy, and it is concise and clear.

The simplest kind of repetition is the phrase that says the same thing twice. In the following examples, the redundant words are italicized. aggressive by nature habitual custom repeat again biography of his life honest in character revert back circle around ink pen oval in shape continue o n lilac in color small in size consensus of opinion past memories sudden crisis few in number past history terrible tragedy final outcome plans for the future true facts first and foremost refer back various differences Shortening these redundant pairs to a single word is one way to improve concision and clarity. The shorter versions are easier to read and convey the same message more effectively, as shown in the following pairs of sentences. Redundant : Past history shows that the students who transfer are actually very few in number_._ Concise: History shows that the students who transfer are actually very few. Redundant: President George W. Bush made serious errors in responding to the sudden crisis that followed the terrible tragedy of September 11. Concise: President George W. Bush made serious errors in responding to the crisis that followed the tragedy of September 11. Joining sentences can also help reduce unnecessary repetition, as illustrated in the following examples: Redundant: The vegetable industry is one of the largest agricultural sectors in the United States. The vegetable industry is a significant contributor to the American export market. Concise: The vegetable industry is one of the largest agricultural sectors in the United States and contributes significantly to our export market. Finally, to check whether a word is working in a sentence, test it. If removing the word does not alter the meaning, leave it out. Also, if you find yourself repeating the same word or a synonym in the same sentence, look for ways to eliminate one of the words. Principle IV: Eliminate redundancy and unnecessary repetition by cutting words or combining sentences.

Exercise 6 Instructions:

1. Review a classroom essay that you are working on and incorporate concise sentences in your own writing.
2. Look back at the principles and exercises in this tutorial and make notes on a separate sheet of paper. You will bring these notes and the essay to your conference.
3. Make an appointment for a conference with an instructor in the Writing Center (18-104) or English 800 Center (18-102). To make this appointment, stop by the Centers or call (650) 574 - 6436. During this appointment, the professor will make sure you understand the concepts covered in this tutorial, answer any questions that you might have, review your answers to these exercises, and check to see if you can incorporate the skill into your writing. Reminder: For this appointment, bring

• any notes about the tutorial that you have taken
• your completed tutorial exercises
• and the essay