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Genderlect Styles in discussion about Rapport vs. report, public speaking vs. private speaking and cross culture and given multiple choice.
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A “Cross-Cultural” Communication
Deborah Tannen is an American Academic and professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington D.C. She began research when she did a microanalysis of six friends during a two-and-a-half-hour dinner conversation at Thanksgiving. The focus of the theory is interpersonal relationships.
Despite Tannen’s citings of dialogues from several movies, most students studying the theory refer to the movie When Harry Met Sally as a great example for the theory. This scene shows Harry and Sally at their first stop on their 18 - hour long road trip from the University of Chicago to New York. Harry is dating Sally’s friend, Amanda. Restaurant scene This scene shows Harry and Sally meeting five years later on an airplane. Harry surprises Sally saying he is engaged. She approves, but their conversation proves they still have different trains of thought. Airplane scene Harry may see Sally as a member of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood and Sally may see Harry as coming from Planet of the Apes.
Women seek connection in conversation. From the movie: Sally is sad because Harry says that men and women can’t be friends. Sally is also shocked because Harry ends by saying that sex in the end of intimacy rather than a beginning to a relationship. Harry is implying that a true, non-intimate relationship with a male is impossible.
Rapport talk– Typical conversation style of women, which seeks to establish a connection with others Report talk – Typical monologue style of men, which seeks to command attention, convey information, and win arguments. In order to state that women focus on intimacy and men focus on power, Tannen analysizes conversations between men and women. Tannen focuses on speakers from feminine cultures and masculine cultures to identify their core values. The linguistic dif ferences between the two verifies her statement.
According to folk wisdom, women talk more than men do. Throughout the movie When Harry Met Sally , Sally continues to try to make a connection with Harry. Her rapport style of speaking transfers well in private. On the other hand, Tannen states that men use words as weapons. Even Harry’s rare exposure of his personal life in the movie is done over competitive situations (jogging, batting cages, watching football, etc.) Harry’s report style of speaking transfers well in public. Behind close doors, men no longer feel the urge to protect themselves with words.
Throughout conversation, women of fer head nods, eye contact and react with small responses to show they’re listening. To men however, agreeing means to put himself in a vulnerable position, or a one-down stance. Because of their lack of agreement, women usually think men aren’t listening. Cooperative overlap – A supportive interruption often meant to show agreement and solidarity with the speaker. Women see cooperative overlap as a means of agreeing and supporting, however, men see it as an attempt to steal power. The differences in style of conversation are the root of irritation between males and females.
According to Tannen, women ask questions in order to establish a connection with someone. Women often tag their opinions with questions. Example: “Look at our Christmas tree, isn’t it so pretty?” Tag question – A short question at the end of a declarative statement, often used by women to soften the sting of potential disagreement or invite open, friendly dialogue. On the other hand, a man asking questions is, in his eyes showing ignorance and weakness. Example: Asking for directions Asking questions
Tannen mentions sensitivity training as an ef fort to teach men how to speak in a feminine voice. Assertiveness training is an effort to teach women how to speak in a masculine voice. She believes there is hope for men and women to bridge their communication gap through these trainings. In the movie When Harry Met Sally , Harry finally confesses his love for Sally and then explains with her rapport style of speaking that he understands her and cares about her. Sally finally sees that Harry understands a lot more than she thought he did. Final scene from When Harry Met Sally
Carol Gilligan, a professor of education at Harvard Graduate School of Education presents a theory claiming that women tend to speak and think in ethical voices dif ferent from that of men. This view is very similar to Tannen’s theory in the sense that men want independence, seek moral maturity in terms of justice and women desire the human connection and see their ethical response as one of care. Men’s ethical goals – Individual rights, equality before the law, fair play, and a square deal. Women’s ethical goals – Contextual, more immersed in details and narratives, sensitive to others, loyalty, self - sacrifice, and peacemaking.
According to Tannen, women don’t want advice; they want the gift of understanding. Tannen suggests throughout her theory that women embrace connection and deny autonomy, while men seek autonomy and avoid connection. Neither group usually feels any sense of contradiction. As stated in the introduction of the chapter, there is more diversity within each gender as opposed to between each gender.
Adrianne Kunkel of the University of Kansas and Brant Burleson challenge Tannen’s cross-cultural perspective. Kunkel and Burleson, from their research, state that while it’s true that women often do want a connection, both sexes place an equally high value on comforting communication. Due to their research, Kunkel and Burleson rejected the cross - cultural perspective and said that both men and women understand.