His Needs, Her Needs:
A Summary for Reflection Together
The Irresistible Man
Any husband can make himself irresistible to his wife by
learning to meet five basic marital needs:
1. He meets her need for affection with plenty of hugs and
kisses at every opportunity. He also tells her how much
he cares for her with a steady flow of words, cards,
flowers, gifts and common courtesies.
2. He meets her need for intimate conversation by talking
with her at the feeling level. He listens to her attitudes
about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest and
concern. All his conversations with her convey a desire to
understand her but not to change her.
3. He meets her need for honesty and openness by looking
her in the eye and telling her what he really thinks. He
explains his plans and actions clearly and completely
because he regards himself as accountable to her. He
wants her to trust him and feel secure.
4. He meets her need for financial support by firmly
shouldering the responsibility to house, feed and clothe
his family. If his income is insufficient to support his wife
adequately (certain callings as ministry, or social service),
he does not feel sorry for himself; instead, he looks for
concrete ways to increase his earnings by upgrading his
skills or he sits down with his wife to determine how to
make better use of what income they have, how to lower
their standard of living if necessary in order to raise their
marriage to a safer and more fulfilling level.
5. He meets her need for family commitment by putting his
family first. He commits his time and energy to the moral
and intellectual development of the children. For
example, he reads to them, he engages in sports with
them and takes them camping or on other outings. He
does not play the fool's game of working long hours,
trying to get ahead, while his children and spouse
languish in neglect; and he seeks to help with the home.
The Irresistible Woman
A wife makes herself irresistible to her husband by learning to
meet his five basic marital needs:
1. She meets his need for sexual fulfillment by becoming an
excellent sexual partner to him. She studies her own
response to recognize and understand what brings out the
best in her; then she communicates this information to her
husband and together they learn to have a sexual
relationship that both find repeatedly satisfying and
enjoyable.
2. She meets his need for recreational companionship by
developing mutual interests with her husband. She
discovers those activities her husband enjoys the most
and tries to become proficient in them. If she learns to
enjoy them, she joins him in them. If she does not enjoy
them, she encourages him to consider others that they can
enjoy together. She becomes her husband's constant
recreational companion so that he repeatedly associates
her with the pastimes her enjoys most.
3. She meets his need for her attractiveness. She keeps
herself physically attractive and she wears her hair,
makeup and clothes in a way that her husband finds
attractive and tasteful. Her husband is pleased and proud
of her in public and in private.
4. She meets his need for domestic support by creating a
home that offers him an atmosphere of peace and quiet.
She manages the home and care of the children. This
gives him the opportunity to spend evenings and
weekends with her and their children in educational and
recreational activity.
5. She meets his need for admiration and respect by
understanding his value and achievements more than
anyone else. She reminds him of his capabilities and
helps him maintain his self-confidence. She is proud of
her husband, not out of duty, but as an expression of
sincere admiration for the man with whom she has chosen
to share her life.
