Name_____________________________
“I” Messages
The Situation Describe the person’s
behavior in specific but
nonjudgmental terms.
Point out the specific
ways that person’s
behavior affects you.
Tell the person how you
feel about the behavior
that “owns your
emotions”
Tell the person what you
want him or her to do.
You keep calling a
friend but he does not
return your calls.
When you don’t return my
calls…
I can’t arrangements
with you.
And…I feel hurt and
frustrated.
So…I’d appreciate your
returning my calls.
Your roommate,
parents, children, do
not give you your
phone messages.
When you don’t write down
my telephone messages.
I don’t have the
information I need
And…I feel frustrated. So…I’d appreciate your
writing down my
telephone messages.
A student sitting near
you is constantly
talking during class and
you can’t hear what the
instructor is saying.
Your best friend, with
whom you used to
spend most of your
time, has started seeing
a new boyfriend or
girlfriend and no longer
calls you.
Your boyfriend,
girlfriend, husband, or
wife brings you to a
party and then spends
the evening talking
with a very attractive
person of the opposite
sex.
Your boss is on your
back constantly, but
does not seem to bother
anyone else. You’re
making good money,
which you need for
school and your car.
Create a situation
from your life:
Watch out for errors in sending “I” Messages. For example: I feel you are lazy when you don’t clean your room. I feel you
are immature when you don’t balance your checkbook. I feel you are annoying when you don’t do things my way.
L.Zimmerman.PSY107
