SAMPLE #2
This essay fails to demonstrate many of the qualities that the English instructors at High-
land Community College look for in a short writing sample.
First, the opening paragraph is one sentence, stating an obvious fact rather than taking a
position. The student continues to indent but without a sense of the comnponents of a
traditional paragraph. For example, paragraph two begins with an example not in support
of a main point.
The student also fails to develop a clear argument. For example, paragraph 3 and 4 make
general statements but include no specific support. Instead of working to develop an idea
with supporting detail, the student introduces a new thesis in paragraph 6, that the media
informs the public about diet. The final two paragraphs demonstrate repetition of general
ideas rather than conclusion or summary of a focused stance.
Finally, the student’s writing includes a variety of errors. Paragraphs 3, 5, and 6 include
sentence fragments. Other errors include apostrophe use, subject verb agreement, phras-
ing (“informs us on...”), and proofreading (“the convince,” “supose” rather than “supposed).”
This student would be required to take Preface to Rhetoric prior to English 121.
