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! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!Brown!! 1 !!! !! Paola!Brown! Mrs.!Paola!Brown! English!102! 25!August!2013! Life!at!the!Hands!of!a!Robot! ! In!2013,!I!had!to!have!pelvic!surgery!for!possible!endometriosis.!!In!my!research!to! identify!the!right!surgeon!for!me,!the!names!of!two!prominent!minimally!invasive!surgeons! came!up.!!One!major!difference!between!these!two!surgeons!is!that!the!first!performs! advanced!laparoscopic!surgery!by!using!a!tiny!camera!to!look!inside!the!pelvis!while!he! manipulates!surgical!instruments!via!small!incisions.!The!second!doctor!performs!a!similar! surgery,!but!instead!of!actually!holding!the!surgical!instruments!in!his!own!hands,!he! works!via!the!da!Vinci!robot.!In!August!2013,!Nick!Glass!and!Matthew!Knight!wrote!an! article!on!CNN.com!titled!“Would!you!have!surgery!at!hands!of!a!robot?”!with!the!aim!to! educate!people!on!the!use!of!the!da!Vinci!robot!for!surgery.!!Their!article!hopes!to!reduce! the!fear!that!is!innately!associated!with!robotic!surgery.!!The!authors!detail!the!basic! structure!of!the!robot—a!fourUarmed!machine!with!a!vision!system!and!console!that!is!used! by!the!doctor!who!is!actually!controlling!the!robot.!!They!explain!the!many!advantages!of! the!robot!and!discuss!the!financial!cost!of!this!machine.!!While!they!do!bring!some! interesting!facts!about!the!da!Vinci!robotic!surgery,!the!authors!fail!in!educating!readers! about!the!potential!risks!involving!robotic!surgery.!!In!the!end,!this!article!fails!in!its! purpose!to!properly!educate!readers!on!robotic!surgery,!as!it!does!not!provide!a!reliable! variety!of!authoritative!evidence.! Good headER for MLA formatting. It should be the writer's last name and page number. Excellent headING. Learn more about MLA formatting here http:// www.mesacc.edu/~paoih30491/ MLAFormattingwithMicrosoftWord.html Nice attention-getter. In this section here, the writer is giving pertinent background information that will help the reader understand the selected article. The author identifies the article name, authors, and states the purpose of the article. Well done. Here, the writer gives a brief summary of the article's main points. Notice that this is done FREE OF BIAS The writer now transitions into the thesis. Writer gives a clear, declarative thesis.
! In!their!article,!Glass!and!Knight!acknowledge!that!Americans!are!somewhat!leery!of! undergoing!robotic!surgery,!but!they!assure!the!reader!that!1.5!million!operations!ranging! from!abdominal!to!lung!procedures!have!been!conducted.!They!explain!that!the!robot!is! capable!of!minimally!invasive!surgery.!The!benefits!of!minimally!invasive!surgery!are!great! to!the!patient!as!the!recovery!time!is!shortened!and!blood!loss!is!kept!to!a!minimum.!The! authors!cite!David!Rosa,!who!is!affiliated!with!the!company!Intuitive!Surgical,!which! manufactures!the!da!Vinci!robot.!!According!to!Rosa,!the!robot!doesn’t!“do!anything!on!it’s! own.!Every!movement,!all!of!its!controls!is!controlled!by!a!surgeon!who!sits!at!a!console.”! Rosa!later!describes!that!the!robot’s!3UD!vision!abilities!allows!the!surgeon!to!perform! surgery!in!a!unprecedented!way.!The!authors!also!make!room!for!a!discussion!on!the! financial!aspects!of!the!robot.!!The!robot,!worth!1UmillionUplus!dollars,!earned!$2!billion!in! 2012.!!The!article!then!cites!a!Dr.!Curet,!who!has!successfully!performed!operations!with!da! Vinci!robot!on!morbidly!obese!patients.!!According!to!Curet,!she!was!extremely!pleased! with!the!results!as!such!a!successful!surgery!would!not!have!been!possible!through!more! traditional!means.!!!Next,!the!authors!bring!in!one!testimonial!from!someone!who!does!not! wholeUheartedly!support!the!da!Vinci!robot.!!Dr.!Martin!Makary!expresses!concern!over!the! limitations!of!the!robot.!!The!major!limitation,!Makary!notes,!is!that!the!robot!cannot!“feel! the!tissue,”!and!the!surgeon!can!!“inadvertently![injure]!a!major!structure.”!Finally,!the! writers!end!the!article!in!a!hopeful!tone,!closing!with!a!statement!about!the!possibility!of! surgeons!performing!surgery!on!a!patient!from!a!remote!location,!one!where!they!do!not! need!to!be!in!the!same!location!as!the!patient.!! ! One!of!the!biggest!problems!with!this!article!is!the!lack!of!valid!resources!and! evidence.!!Of!the!three!individuals!interviewed!by!Glass!and!Knight,!two!of!them!are! Writer clearly identifies that they are summarizing the article. Cites key points without getting too technical. The writer is intentionally summarizing pieces from the article that she will discuss later on. The writer has minimized the use of quotes, and is relying more heavily on summary/paraphrasing. When providing key examples and throughout the entire summary portion, the writer remains neutral This is the 2nd of only 3 quotes used throughout the entire essay. Anymore quotes would have been inappropriate for this assignment. Also, notice that the writer is only using small portions of the quote here. This is good as it indicates that the writer is relying mostly on her WRITING/summaries, and not on quotes. Good topic sentence. The writer indicates that she has decided to focus the bulk of her analytical criticism in this paragraph on the article's use of unreliable evidence.
the!da!Vinci!robot,!the!benefit!to!the!patient!is!minimal,!if!there!are!any!benefits!at!all.!Such! a!dreary!prognosis!should!have!been!followed!up!with!further!insight!of!the!possible!risks! involving!robotic!surgery.!!But!immediately!following!the!alarming!testimony!of!Dr.! Makary,!the!writers!cite!the!highUrevenue!and!sales!of!the!robot.!!This!use!of!the!red!herring! fallacy,!where!the!writers!distract!the!readers!from!Makary’s!argument!with!information! about!da!Vinci’s!revenues,!is!yet!another!indication!that!their!article!is!flawed.!!Upon! further!investigation,!the!use!of!robotic!surgery!is!indeed!much!more!risky!than!Glass!and! Knight!indicate.!!According!to!Dr.!Paul!MacKoul’s!patient!education!website!titled!“The! Truth!about!Robotics!in!Gynecologic!Surgery”!robotic!surgery!“is!not!helpful!to!advanced! laparoscopic!surgeons!for!even!the!most!difficult!benign!surgeries.”!MacKoul—a!director!in! his!field!at!two!prominent!hospitals—goes!on!to!explain!that!gynecological!surgeries! performed!by!an!advanced!laparoscopic!surgeon!are!far!more!beneficial!to!the!patient!than! robotic!surgeries.!!He!explains!that!without!the!robot,!the!amount!and!size!of!incisions!are! smaller,!surgery!time!and!therefore!financial!costs!are!cut!in!half,!and!that!recovery!time!is! four!times!shorter.!!While!Dr.!MacKoul!provides!a!cautionary!perspective!for!gynecological! surgeries!alone,!it!leads!readers!to!wonder!in!what!other!medical!fields!the!robot!is!less! successful.!!When!such!significant!information!about!the!dangers!of!robotics!is!so!readily! available,!it!is!obvious!that!Glass!and!Knight!fall!short!in!successfully!educating!readers! about!the!risks!of!the!da!Vinci!robotic!surgery.! ! In!the!end,!I!chose!to!do!my!endometriosis!surgery!with!an!advanced!laparoscopic! surgeon.!To!my!great!relief,!my!surgeon!never!found!any!endometriosis—which!can!only! be!identified!during!surgery.!!It!took!me!a!considerable!amount!of!time—months!even—to! find!the!right!doctor!and!to!decide!on!the!right!kind!of!surgery!for!me,!but!because!I!made! Again, the author reviews (BRIEFLY) a point she had previously summarized (from body paragraph #1) Then she clearly states what was wrong with that point. The writer breaks down the problem, identifying a illogical reasoning She unpacks the broken logic by explaining. At this point, because the article was so one-sided, the writer decided to bring in her own counter evidence. IF YOU DECIDE TO DO THIS, remember, 1) you can only use ONE outside resource and
- That recourse cannot take over a large portion of the overall essay (because you are here to summarize and critically analyze your article) Here, the writer briefly discusses the counter argument, and supports her claims with her outside resource. The writer unpacks her claims. The writer concludes by connecting her outside research BACK TO THE ARTICLE. She makes it clear that the outside research was needed to effectively critically analyze the article. This is why it's ok that she has used outside resources. The writer connects back to her opening remarks. This is nice--stylistically speaking--because it helps create a unified piece.
the!right!choice!for!me,!my!recovery!time!was!shorter!than!the!time!I!spent!researching! surgeons!and!procedures.!It!is!inappropriate!for!writers!like!Glass!and!Knight!to!share!the! great!benefits!of!the!da!Vinci!robotic!surgery!without!properly!presenting!readers!with! both!sides!of!the!issue.!Using!witnesses!who!have!financial!interest!in!the!company,! providing!sales!as!evidence!of!the!success!of!the!robot,!and!dedicating!virtually!no!time!to! the!potential!risks!of!the!robot!leave!the!article!weakened!and!in!great!need!of!more! reliable!evidence.!In!the!end,!readers!may!even!wonder!if!Glass!and!Knight!themselves!hold! financial!interest!in!the!company,!especially!when!they!have!so!clearly!overlooked!an! opportunity!to!create!a!balanced!and!informative!piece!to!their!readers.!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! The writer reviews the main points of her critical analysis. There is no need to review the points from the summary portion of the essay. Be careful not to introduce any new arguments in your conclusion. Argument time ended in the last body paragraph. here the writer leaves the reader thinking about an interesting point that relates to her critical analysis. Scroll down to view the Works Cited Page...
