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Saying goodbye to a colleague who has been made redundant
When a colleague has been made redundant, you may experience many different emotions. If you were very close, you may feel as if you are losing a member of your family. If you weren’t close, you may still regret the loss of a member of your team or feel sad you didn’t get to know the person better. Either way, you may feel guilty that you still have a job. No matter what kind of relationship you had, you’ll want to respond in a sensitive and appropriate way when you hear that a colleague has been made redundant.
Understanding what your colleague may be feeling
No two people respond in exactly the same way to being made redundant. Instead of assuming you know how your colleague feels, remember that your colleague may be feeling a roller coaster of different emotions whether they are openly expressed or not. To respond appropriately, keep in mind that your colleague may feel:
sad angry shocked and numb confused embarrassed worried ashamed and guilty relieved
Talking to someone who has been made redundant
It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who has been made redundant. Some people who have lost their jobs respond by withdrawing and saying they don’t want to talk about it. Others talk so much about the situation that you may tire of listening to them. Some people who lose a job become very emotional and visibly sad. Others may avoid you altogether because you are remaining with the team. Here are some suggestions for talking to someone who has been made redundant:
Take your cues from the person. Many people need some time alone to collect themselves. Often they describe feeling “raw” or vulnerable, and some can experience an adrenaline reaction from the shock that can make them feel physically ill. If your colleague wants to talk, sit down and give them your full attention. If they don’t want to talk, offer to come back at a different time or to just sit with them quietly if that would help.
Respond promptly—and privately—to the news. Don’t avoid your colleague, especially if the two of you have had a close working relationship. A simple acknowledgment of your feelings is enough. You might say, “I just heard the news, I’m shocked and so sorry” or “How can I help right now?” You can always offer more support later. Try to respond privately and one-to-one—ideally, face-to-face or, if the employee has left the workplace, by phone. Be careful about what you say in email or text messages that could be forwarded. Don’t mention the news on Facebook or other social media.
Here are some words that your colleague may find comforting once they are over the initial shock:
I’ll miss you. I’ve enjoyed working with you. You helped me a lot when you ... I’ve really admired how you ...
Here are some things not to say:
I know just how you feel. I wish I’d been made redundant instead of you. You’re better off without this company.
Don’t try to make your colleague feel better by criticising the company or management. Negative thinking and talking won’t help develop the positive frame of mind they will need to move forward and to interview well.
Be realistic if you offer to help. Don’t make promises you may not be able to keep—for example, “I’ll introduce you to a friend of mine who would be a great contact.” Your friend may not be willing or able to meet your colleague.
Don’t try to make your colleague feel better by criticising the company or management. Negative thinking and talking won’t help develop the positive frame of mind they will need to move forward and to interview well.
If the colleague who has been made redundant is angry and acts in ways that make you feel uncomfortable or if the person makes threats or threatens to harm themselves or someone else, contact human resources (HR), your manager, or security staff at your company immediately.
Saying goodbye may be a two-step process
Sometimes the day employees are notified of a downsizing is their last official day with the company. Sometimes they are given the choice of leaving immediately and returning after work to clean out their work area or remaining at work just long enough to pack up their belongings under supervision. This is generally an emotional and chaotic time, and not conducive to talk beyond a quick goodbye.
You may want to follow up with your colleague later. Consider talking to your manager first, just to be sure that no problems have arisen that would make it awkward if you reached out. During the stress of a redundancy, for example, it’s possible that your colleague spoke harshly or threateningly to your manager, creating hard feelings. Avoid unknowingly getting in the middle of a bad situation.
If it’s OK, saying goodbye in a thoughtful way at a later time can mean a great deal to departing employees, especially when you acknowledge your colleague’s efforts and the personal loss you are experiencing. Depending on how close you were and the circumstances of the departure, you might want to do the following:
Ask people in your department sign a card for your colleague. Take your colleague to lunch. Chip in with others to buy a going-away gift or bouquet of flowers.
Organise a goodbye gathering, during lunch or after work. Goodbye gatherings can ease the transition for those who are leaving as well as for those who are staying. First, run the idea by your manager. Then check with the departing employee or employees to see if such an event would be welcomed.
If you are planning an event, plan it away from the company site. Many downsized employees would not want to attend an event back on company property, and some companies, for safety and security reasons, don’t allow former employees back into the workplace. Generally, keeping this a low-key event and avoiding speeches works best for downsized employees. This is a very different circumstance than a retirement or a voluntary resignation.
Trudy Cretsinger Client Care Consultant with LifeWorks by Morneau Shepell Last Reviewed May 2019 Trudy Cretsinger, MDiv, is currently a Client Care Consultant with LifeWorks by Morneau Shepell; her other roles include pastor, mother, engineer, and writer.
