Speaker'1:' This'is'where'your'ice'cream'comes'from.'The'creamy'poop'of'a'mys6c'unicorn.'
Totally'clean,'totally'cool,'and'so<-serve'straight'from'a'sphincter.'Mmm,'they're'
good'at'pooping,'but'you'know'who'sucks'at'pooping?'You'do.'That's'because'
when'you'sit'on'the'porcelain'throne,'this'muscle'puts'a'kink'in'the'hose,'and'
stops'the'Ben'and'Jerry's'from'sliding'out'smoothly.'
' Is'that'a'problem?'I'don't'know,'are'hemorrhoids'a'problem?'Because'siHng'at'
this'angle'can'cause'hemorrhoids,'bloa6ng,'cons6pa6on,'and'a'buI'load'of'
other'crap.'Seriously,'unicorn'hemorrhoids,'the'gliIer'gets'everywhere.'
' But'what'happens'when'you'go'from'a'sit'to'squat?'Voila!'This'muscle'relaxes,'
and'that'kink'goes'away'faster'than'Pegasus'laying'sweet'sherbet'dookie.'Now'
your'colon's'open'and'ready'for'baIle.'That's'because'our'bodies'were'made'to'
poop'in'a'squat,'and'now'there's'a'product'that'lets'you'squat'in'your'own'
home.''
' Introducing,'the'SquaIy'PoIy.'No,'SquaIy'PoIy'is'not'joke,'and'yes'it'will'give'
you'the'best'poop'of'your'life,'guaranteed.'I'don't'just'mean'you'bloated'lords'
and'hemorrhoidal'ladies.'I'mean'everyone.'Kink,'unkink,'kink,'unkink.'It's'simple'
science'really.''
' Can't'get'the'last'scoop'out'of'the'carton?'With'the'SquaIy'PoIy'you'get'
complete'elimina6on.'Spend'too'much'6me'on'the'chamber'pot?'The'SquaIy'
PoIy'makes'you'go'twice'as'fast'or'your'money'back.'I'scream,'you'scream'and'
plop'plop'baby.''
' Maybe'you're'sore'from'squeezing'out'solid'globs'of'Rocky'Road.'The'SquaIy'
PoIy'gives'you'a'smooth'stream'of'Froyo'that'glides'likes'a'virgin'swan.'Plus'
when'you're'done'it'tucks'neatly'out'of'sight,'thanks'to'its'innova6ve'patented'
design.'Truly'a'footstool'fit'for'a'cons6pated'king.''
' So,'if'you're'a'human'being'who'poops'from'your'buI,'click'here'to'order'your'
SquaIy'PoIy'today'at'SquaIyPoIy.com.'You'll'wish'you'tried'it'years'ago,'and'if'
you'don't'trust'a'prince,'how'about'your'doctor?'Shark'Tank,'Huff'Post,'NPR,'
Men's'Health,'Howard'Stern?'He'poops'from'his'buI.''
' They're'all'crazy'about'the'SquaIy'PoIy.'Not'to'men6on'the'2,000'Amazon'
users'who'gave'the'SquaIy'PoIy'five'stars.'Including'the'author'of'this'moving'
haiku.''
Speaker'2:' Oh'SquaIy'PoIy,'you'fill'me'with'endless'joy,'yet'leave'me'empty.''
Speaker'1:' So'order'your'SquaIy'PoIy'today.'I'm'not'saying'it'will'make'your'poop'as'so<'
as'this'Cookies'and'Cream,'but'I'm'not'saying'it'won't.'SquaIy'PoIy,'the'stool'
for'beIer'stools.'Pooping'will'never'be'the'same,'and'neither'will'ice'cream.''
' Now'that'one'for'you,'very'good.'How'does'it'taste?'Is'that'delicious?''
Speaker'3:' Mm-hmm'(affirma6ve).''
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